Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Who is on the A-list this year



It’s that time of year (at least in Arizona) when kids go back to school and parents are inundated with school forms to fill out. I’ve lived in the same house in the same school district for fourteen years. I have five children, which means I’ve had to fill out roughly five billion forms. You would think the school would use a computer printout that I could just initial, but no. That would be modern. And convenient.
At least now my kids are old enough that I can make them fill out some of the forms. My teen daughter was filling out forms and asked me who to put on the list of approved people who could pick her up from the school.
“George Clooney,” I told her. “But only if he agrees to come in the house and talk to me when he’s dropping you off."
“I would go with George Clooney,” she said.
(By George, we would both get in a car with this man.)


In that spirit, I decided to do an entire blog on who is allowed to pick up my daughter from school.


On the allowed list:
Taylor Swift. She would probably give my daughter good dating advice. If you know a guy is trouble when he walks in, stay far away from him.


On the disallowed list:

All other rock stars. Most of them seem to have death wishes and want to party like it's the last night of their life. I don’t want them driving my daughter anywhere.


Allowed:
Princess Kate because we’d love to see the royal baby.

Not allowed:

Prince Harry. He says he’s going to teach his nephew how to have fun. Since Harry’s last batch of fun produced pictures of him wearing nothing but freckles, I certainly hope Will and Kate put the kibosh on that idea.


Allowed:

Luke Skywalker. I chose him because I can’t think of any other celebrities I would allow in a car with my daughter so I’m resorting to fictional characters. Plus Luke has the force, and that’s really cool.


Not allowed:

Any congressmen, ex-congressmen, mayors, or mayoral candidates. Especially Anthony Weiner. What is it with these people and why can’t they keep their pants on?

Anyway, that is my list of people who are allowed and not allowed to stroll into the school office and pick up my daughter. Feel free to print it out and send it to your school as well.

Happy forming!


Okay, I would allow Johnny Dep to pick my daughter up from school too, because he is still that cool despite the fact that I can't find anyone who actually liked the Lone Ranger.
(We forgive you, Johnny)

***Goodreads is giving away ten copies of Slayers with the new, cooler cover. You can enter here: http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/60481-slayers***

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Hang out with me, Aprilynne Pike, and Suzanne Young Monday

Yes that's right, AZ peeps. You have the chance to not only see me--and you never know what color my hair is going to be, so that's always exciting--but also local cool author Suzanne Young and NY Times Best seller Aprilynne Pike.

Aprilynne is launching her new novel Earthbound. Plus for all of you Slayer's buffs she has the same name as Tori's sister. (Coincidence or is Aprilynne harboring a family of superheroes?)  And for all of you Erasing Time buff's she's the astute author who blurbed the back cover. If you've ever had questions about what she meant when she said I deftly explore themes of loyalty, this is your chance to ask her about it.

I would love to see you there!

Here's more info:

7PM MONDAY, JULY 29
Changing Hands Bookstore
6428 S McClintock Dr, Tempe, AZ 85283



In Pike's Earthbound, Tavia Michaels is the sole survivor of the plane crash that killed her parents. When she sees strange visions, she discovers she's an Earthbound — someone with the ability to create matter out of nothing — and that she alone holds the key to stopping an evil society that manipulates global events for its own shadowy purposes.

In Young's The Program, teen suicide is a worldwide epidemic. The only known cure is "The Program," a treatment in which painful memories are erased, a fate worse than death to seventeen-year-old Sloane who knows that it will steal memories of her dead brother and boyfriend.

In Hill's Erasing Time, eighteen-year-old twins Taylor and Sheridan are pulled into the future and must find a way to stop the evil government from using the time machine again.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS APRILYNNE PIKE is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the Wings series. She has been spinning stories since she was a child with a hyperactive imagination. When not writing, Aprilynne can usually be found out running; she also enjoys singing, acting, and (of course!) reading books about magic and kissing. Aprilynne lives in Arizona with her husband and four kids.
SUZANNE YOUNG currently lives in Tempe, Arizona, where she drafts novels on restaurant napkins while eating chimichangas. After earning her degree in creative writing, Suzanne spent several years teaching middle school language arts. She is also the author of A Need So Beautiful.
C.J. HILL is a pen name for Janette Rallison, who is best known for writing romantic comedies (Erasing Time is her nineteenth published book). She lives in Arizona with her five children, but is still in desert denial and hopes that one day her garden will grow silver bells and cockle shells or maybe just tomatoes.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Kids and a restaurant, never a good combination

We don't go to sit down restaurants very often. Last week, I was reminded why.

We took our four at-home-kids and temp kid, French foreign exchange student, out to a restaurant called The Crazy Cow. I will have to do a blog sometime about bad restaurant names, and The Crazy Cow will definitely be on that list. When my husband suggested the place, I said, "Should we really eat somewhere that basically has mad cow disease in the title?"

The restaurant turned out to have great food, so you can't always judge a restaurant by it's name (just like that whole judging a book by it's cover thing).

The only table that was big enough for all of us was off in a dining room without other patrons. This turned out to be a good thing. After my kids ordered, they were immediately bored. Oldest son picked up a half and half creamer, ripped it open, downed it, then reached for another. I calmly explained that the condiments on the table weren't appetizers and told him to stop.

Eldest son then picked up another creamer and bet everyone at the table he could turn it into butter. I calmly explained that shaking only worked on cream, not creamer. No matter, he and youngest daughter both sat there shaking creamers.

Younger son got up from the table and went poking around the waitress station to see if they had any crackers there.

I told him that the waitress station wasn't a salad bar, and he couldn't go poking around random places for food. Then I  pointed out that there was a camera in the dining room which the waitresses probably used to check on the diners. (I really hope it wasn't recording video that will subsequently show up on some reality show about bad patrons,)

Younger son, unrepentant, told me that if the waitress was watching, maybe she would hurry with our food. He took three jam packets and a torn piece of straw wrapper and tried to simulate a shell game.

My husband moved the condiments away from the children.

Oldest son then squished his straw wrapper into a small ball, then added drops of water to it. The thing grew and slithered like a miniature trash snake, amusing the children so much that they all repeated this feat with their straw wrappers.

I threatened the children with scenarios that involved my husband and I moving to another table and pretending we didn't know them. Most of the children were thrilled with this idea until I clarified that they would be paying for their own meals.

My sons then used their silverware, the salt and pepper shakers, and one of the shaken-but-not-turned-to-butter creamers to form their own version of table hockey.

The French foreign exchange student is probably quite impressed with American families. We are awesome examples of good manners.

At that point I made a pact with my husband that for the rest of the children's lives, should we need to buy food from a restaurant, it will have to be a drive through.

And yes, we did leave a big tip.