Sunday, January 8, 2012

Creepiest kids' toys

Okay, on first glance, cute pink-haired Lalaloopsy doesn't seem creepy--that is unless you've read the book Coraline or seen the movie. Because the evil-scary-bad people have those exact same button eyes. Creepiest thing ever! (Shudders just thinking about it.) Don't put this doll on your bed. She may kill you sometime during the night. That's why she's smiling.

Some things shouldn't be combined. Dora and Pillow Pets are two of those things.

Dora looks like she has become some sort of mutant furry animal akin to that freaky dog in the original Body Snatchers movie. (But at least he doesn't have button eyes.)

I've always loved Barbie. Really. I have more Barbies than is probably healthy for a grown woman to own. (But that's a different blog.) So I was understandably disturbed to see decapitated Barbie heads in the toy aisle. My first thought was, "Well, it looks like Mattel has finally done a Marie Antoinette doll." Then I realized that no, Barbie now has a line where the heads are switchable. Remember how people used to worry that Barbie sent the wrong body image message to young girls? I'm glad they've straightened out that issue.

I'm a huge Star Wars fan. At one point I wanted to marry Luke Skywalker. (On some days I still do.) I hate to criticize anything Star Wars, but despite this deep seated love, I must point out that Yoda makes a really creepy child's toy.

Um, am I only the one who thinks that Yoda looks like he has emerged from a horror film and is trying to strangle this hapless child?

The catalog copy says Cuddle with you, I will! Judging from this picture, Yoda is also saying, "Hide under your bed, I will. Come out at night while you're sleeping, I will. Try to suck your brains out, I will."

No thanks, I'll pass on that Star Wars memorabilia.

If you haven't seen the movie Rango, this next picture is Ms. Beans, the love interest of Johnny Depp--er, I mean Rango. Johny Depp just does the voice for Rango. Anyway, she's supposed to be a Desert Iguana.

Personally, I think she would frighten most children and many adults. I mean, really, she is clearly just an alien wearing a wig.

So parents, if you are going to go to the trouble to buy your children a gift, don't buy them one that they will later need therapy for. Hey, I know what would be really great. How about a book? I know of many good ones, including this one:

It's available at all your fine bookstores (including the Portland airport--how awesome is that?) Here are links for your convenience. (Because I'm thoughtful that way.)

Or if you're looking for a kindle bargain try this book at 2.51


Shelby said...

Creepy...especially the first one.

Taffy said...

We are reading your book, out loud, every night (unless drama ensues about bedtime)(like last night).
I recieved one of those Barbie heads for Christmas from my lovely children. They got a kick out of the look on my face.

Janette Rallison said...

What says Merry Christmas better than a decapitated Barbie head? Such thoughtful children.

Shelby, you must have read Coraline. (And whoever designed that toy didn't.)

justJoan said...

I'm worried about my second daughter. She LOVES the Lalaloopsy dolls (has two of them). She also loves Coraline. I'm afraid for her . . . and me. ;-)

Janette Rallison said...

Well, if you wanted to play a mean practical joke on her, you could always walk around with buttons over your eyes . . . (Shudders again)

Chrisbails said...

I just bought that doll for my daughter for Christmas. That exact one. Now she wants more. They are pretty pricey too. Not too creepy, but have never seen Caroline.

CJ Hill said...

Don't ever let your daughter read the book or see the movie or the doll will be chucked in the garage and you will have just blown a wad of money.

Just warning you.

Jeanna said...

Every time I walk past that aisle in the store, I think of the Other Mother. Yikes.

Janette Rallison said...

See, Neil Gaimen--what have you done to us?